My Freshman Year of College, I Met Sister Helen Prejean, who Wrote “Dead Man Walking.”

My college was performing a stage version of the book, and I accidentally enrolled in the class thinking it was a class to fulfill my DCM credit. I was responsible for dramaturgy.

Before that, I don’t think I had too much of a stance on the death penalty. I remember being extremely upset when Stanley “Tookie” Williams was executed because I believed the good work he had been doing to cease gang violence and promote peace was worth his life being spared. I knew it was wrong in some sense, but as an 18-year-old freshman, I didn’t have a clue.

However, after reading the book, and the play, seeing the play performed night after night, and having lunch with Sister Helen, I knew what I believed. Murder is murder no matter if a person is committing it or an institution is sanctioning it. The judicial system is not as much about facts as it is spinning the best story about said facts. So when a life is hung in the balance based on who can tell a story better, how is that justice?

If I killed Soulja Boy for killing my mother, I would still be arrested, tried, convicted, and imprisoned, but if the state kills an inmate, a human being, for allegedly killing another, that’s justice?

The death penalty is not justice. It’s revenge; it’s retribution. It’s flawed eye-for-an-eye logic. It purports that everything in the justice system goes correctly. It assumes that humans have the power to decide who lives and who dies. It feigns as if everything in this world is just or that issues like class and race don’t affect the justice system, because honestly, how many white men have been condemned to die by the state for the murder of anyone black? Go ahead, I’ll wait.

That three-week class changed my life, made me more appreciative of the gift of life, made me realize how incapable humans are of determining right from wrong, justice from injustice, logic from instinct.

Humaneness from beastliness.

The death penalty is cruel and unusual punishment. It’s wrong. It’s racialized; it’s classized; it’s deplorable; it’s inhumane.

In the name of Troy Davis, make it stop.

Now.

You Must Know About What Happened to Me Yesterday

Yesterday, I went to the library. I had to return a few books and I wanted a place to concentrate and finish my rec letters for this week. I got my iPod on, listening to my jams, and I walk into the library. I turn my iPod off and go to quiet my phone when this guy approaches me. He's white, a bit taller than me, has a beard, and, honestly, a zany look in his eyes, eyes that looked like he was on a deserted island for 12 years eating buzzards and I strolled along as a steak and potatoes dinner.

He turns to me, and says, "Have you heard of Herman Cain?"

I instantly become uncomfortable. I know where this is going. I mistook the look in his eyes. It wasn't the look of a man ahungered who finally came across a meal.

It was the look of a fervent ass Republican, a frothy-in-the-mouth-like-rabies Republican.

I say, "Yes."

"Isn't he great!?" he exclaims, a distinct gleam in his eye.

I don't say anything, but I kind of squirm a bit. I wouldn't have been able to say anything anyway because he kept going.

"I'm so excited about him!" he continues. "I really want to get the word out about him. What I especially like about him is that he will bring in the Southern Baptists, you know, because he's a minister."

Do you understand how hard I had to try to not roll my eyes, call bullshit, or break it all the way down like an improper fraction for this dude? Do you know the incomprehensible level of self-control I had to exude here?

Not to mention, I only feel like he approached me because I'm black, but that's neither here nor there.

"I also like him because he's a Christian. We need that in government."

Self-control, yo.

"So yeah, I want to spread the word about Herman Cain. I want everyone to vote for him." He looks at me expectantly, as if he knows I'm going to agree with him and that he was just simply waiting for my confirmation of what he already knew.

Eventually I was going to have to burst his bubble, but I didn't want to be an asshole. Instead, I keep it classy and respectful (I mean, "MOTHERFUCK Herman Cain!!!!" just wouldn't go over too well, you know?) :"Yeah, but he's not my ideal candidate though."

"Oh," he replies, a distinct disappointment in his voice. He turns away from me without another word and immediately goes to the second floor.

I laugh inwardly, heartily. I then proceed towards the back of the library to locate Freakonomics.

A Teacher Watches "Glee"

If you know me, you know that I hate musicals. I can't stand them; I don't like the collective singing and dancing in random situations schtick. I can count on my hands how many musicals I like, it's that serious. I even hate when in stage plays (like Tyler Perry) people just start singing all of a sudden. I find it ridiculous.

All of this is part of the reason why I hated Glee. People singing and dancing for no reason at random moments? You could keep that. I had also heard a few songs which sounded like a tad bit older version of Kidz Bop and that put me off further. I wasn't interested in no damn Glee.

However, a couple weeks ago, I came to the conclusion that I don't know too much about the show and why so many people, young and less young, have cleaved to it and love it so much. After all, I can't hate something I don't know too much about. Therefore, I decided to find out why it was so popular, and I must say that, other than reasons that will be discussed later, I actually like Glee.

However, with all the things the show does well, there are many issues I have with the show, and there are certain lenses that I have that I can't shake as I watch television shows, including Glee. And as soon as I started watching the show, I KNEW I wanted to write this particular blog post because I think it's a critique that needs to be shared. I plan on doing other posts through other lenses that I wear, but here I will solely focus on what it's like as someone who was trained as a teacher watching Glee.

That introduction being said, let me begin.

-------------------------------

William McKinley High School is the most corrupt, ridiculous, scandalous school I have seen in a long time. 

As I watch Glee, I marvel at how inept everyone, and I mean everyone, in power is.

I am a teacher. I decided I wanted to teach English to sixth through twelfth graders, and I am trained to do so. Everything I have learned in this education shudders and cries every single episode of this show. Although I realize that, yes, this is a comedy and that these tempestuous relationships drive the story-lines and fuel the characters of this show, every single thing at that high school is wrong in a myriad of ways.

1.) Student-Student Relationships.

One thing that is noticeable from early on is the social hierarchy of the school, a trite concept that I'm not sure really exists in this way too much anymore (at least, it wasn't my experience in high school). Glee kids are at the bottom of the social totem pole while jocks, particular football jocks, are at the top. The football players consistently harass the glee kids, throwing them into lockers and, most popular among them, throwing slushies in their faces on a daily basis. 

In the second season, we see a more focused view on Kurt and his being attacked by another student Karofsky for being gay, partly because Karofsky is struggling with his own sexuality. This abuse, that goes as far as a threat of murder, happens from the first season until Karofsky's behavior warrants him an expulsion that gets overturned and Kurt, out of fear for his safety, is forced to transfer.

What bothers me is that teachers and administration fully know about this abuse and this social hierarchy, and nothing of substance is ever done. Will Schuester in one episode even remarks, "I can't imagine how it'd feel to get a slushie thrown in my face," acknowledging that he knows this is happening but has not reprimanded students, demanded detention or suspension, or brought to the administration that students are dealing with this kind of harassment and abuse and that something should be done.

When Karofsky's expulsion by the school-board was overturned for "lack of evidence", I couldn't help but cry "Bullshit!" Many people, including faculty (like Will Schuester) have witnessed Karofsky bully students. No doubt, these collective voices could have done something. Even then, he should have been disciplined in some way. All he got was barely a slap on the wrist.

What really bothers me is that the adults in power are willfully letting the students suffer through a clearly unsafe environment, but it doesn't just end there. I mean why would they bat an eye at student on student violence when there is...

2.) Sue Sylvester.

Sue is the comedic relief of the show. I get it. Her attempts to bring down New Directions and make her Cheerios the absolute best is part of the many conflicts that show the growth of characters and provide fodder for the show.

What boggles my mind, however, is how the hell Sue Sylvester isn't fired, blacklisted, and arrested yet.

Many times, it's brought up that Sue and her Cheerios' many championship wins have provided much prestige and money to the school and because of this, Sue has carte blanche to do whatever the fuck she wants at that school, even abuse students.

Yes, whenever Sue is angry, she is always seen screaming at students, pushing them into walls, pushing them into lockers, and pushing them down stairs. You read that correctly: pushes them down stairs.

She doesn't even try to be coy or secretive about it. She's mentally, emotionally, and abused many students in front of other faculty members and in front of the principal.

The principal.

She's hacked into the principal's email to redirect the glee club's flight to Libya, blackmailed the principal and other faculty members, manipulated students and staff to do her bidding, is forcing her students to partake in a restrictive diet that looks like fodder for eating disorders, tried to shoot a student out of a cannon that was proved to be clearly unsafe, and through all of this, she is still able to have a job? No one has complained about her? The principal witnesses her flagrantly, repetitively abusing those whom they are all supposed to protect, and she still has a job?! I'm horrified. As funny as Sue can sometimes be, because other times she's simply terrible, there is no way in hell this woman should be around human beings let alone children, no matter how much money and influence and headlines she brings to the school. Hell, I'm even surprised no parent has gone to the school to demand she lose her job for abusing his/her child, but then again, why would they since in Glee...

3.) Parents Clearly Don't Exist.

Students throughout the two seasons have been involved in all kinds of mischief. Mercedes stuffed tater tots in the exhaust pipe of Sue's car, Puck exists, Finn walked down the hallway in his draws, so on and so forth. Yet, when these students get into trouble, you'd think the administration would contact parents to deal with this behavior, right?

Please. What show are you watching? Parents aren't responsible for their kids' actions; their glee teacher is.

That's right. Every single time a student is in trouble, the principal talks to the student, Will, maybe Sue, and maybe Emma, the guidance counselor. The parent is always absent from the conversation and any contributing to any punitive decision that is made. 

This, to me, is mind-boggling. Although a teacher is, and should be, held accountable for what goes on with students under their watch, things that happen outside of school (like deflating the tires of rival glee club members' cars) or things that happen in the hallway is NOT Will Schuester's responsibility. Even then, parents should still be aware of what happened with their kids, especially for extreme punishments.

Hell, you don't even know who the parents are of the majority of kids, as many times as they have gotten in trouble. You know Kurt's dad, Finn's mom, and Quinn's parents, and that's it. No matter how many times the other kids have been in trouble, even Puck's going to juvie, you never see their parents. EVER.

But why would you need a parent when you have...

4.) Will Schuester, the Most Inept, Unqualified, Ridiculous Teacher EVER

I like Will. He's a nice, charming, passionate, kind-hearted guy, full of good intentions.

However, he should not be teaching anybody's children.

Will does not have the capacity to be a good teacher. The only way he would be worse is if he got Britney pregnant. He doesn't do what needs to be done or what should be done when it should happen. Many times, his glee club will make poor remarks to each other, curse each other out, demean them, or almost get into a fight, but he hardly ever calls them out on it. Instead he asks them to just express their feelings through song or ignores them and continues/changes the subject. Really?

Don't forget about he knows the abuse his students are suffering by jocks that he does absolutely nothing about.

Don't forget that the only reason Finn is in New Directions is because Will planted a stash of weed in Finn's locker or book bag and blackmailed him into joining.

And how do you let your Glee club get all the way to New York for Nationals without not NARY A SONG TO SING?!

Oh, and in preparation for Nationals he held auditions for a solo spot in the performance and judged with Jesse, boyfriend of the annoying being that is Rachel, college flunk-out, ex-rival glee club member who decided to become a "show choir consultant." During these auditions, he played the Simon Cowell role, saying untrue, intentionally hurtful things about the person's audition no matter how well he/she did (oh, except for Rachel). Did Will Schuester check that dude, kick him out, and say, "You can't talk to (my) kids like that!"?

Of course not.

He sat there looking stupid as this guy unfairly ripped into his kids, their work ethic, their look, and their voices and said not a word. Oh, he attempted to stand up for Mercedes, but in the end he just slid down into his chair and sat on his hands and said nothing.

Just like he said nothing about Kurt and Karofsky. 

Just like he said nothing for all his glee kids getting cold beverages thrown in their faces. 

Just like he said nothing for all the students being harassed and beaten by Sue. 

Nothing.

But he can get a backbone when it comes to trying to get Emma, including trying to steal her away from the man that becomes her husband.

It's sad because Will clearly cares about his students; he, again, just fails to be a teacher and do what needs to be done to protect students and create a positive, healthy, safe environment for them to learn and thrive.

Oh, by the way, Will, when a student is pregnant or kicked out his/her house (Quinn) or involved in unsafe activities or in unsafe situations (Sam's homelessness, student abuse), there is a thing called "mandated reporting" that you, as a teacher, are required to do by law. So his sitting on his hands = fired.

This is all I can think of for now, but as a teacher, these are issues very important to me, and honestly I'm horrified as I watch the show most times. Although they probably wouldn't believe it, I loved all the kids I student-taught, and I would have willingly cussed Sue out if I saw her put a hand on my kids. I don't play that; I'm from Chicago, and I don't play that, joe!

Since Glee is very popular amongst children who are in schools, I think it's relevant and apt to talk about what schools do, and don't do, to perpetuate unsafe conditions for students and what teachers should be doing in their relationships with their students and in their roles of influencing the students' relationships with other students. If kids watching Glee are saying, "My school is like that!" in any negative way, we know that something must be done, and soon.

God knows we need education reform as it is. 

A Note on Amy Winehouse (I Was Mad, so Excuse My Language)

Anyone dying young of any reason is a tragedy.

One thing I hope is that people take the time to truly understand how addiction works.

I don’t know everything, and I’ve gotten my Addiction Degree fromIntervention. But clearly, I know more than the assholes on Twitter and Facebook today.

Addiction isn’t cut and dry. It’s not easy to break from addiction. It’s not easy to just say, “I’m tired of doing crack/heroin/LSD/cocaine/drinking/smoking/having sex/insert your vice here.” Just because YOUR addiction can take a slow death (i.e. smoking cigarettes) versus someone doing hardcore drugs doesn’t make you better and it doesn’t justify his/her death.

Amy Winehouse may not have acted the way you would HOPE to if you had her addiction, but her death is still a tragedy. And after hearing that she was self-medicating because she had Bipolar disorder makes this even more sad and should lead you to educate yourself about mental illness and addiction.

Addiction alters your brain and how it works. It causes you to make ill-informed decisions against your better judgment. Anyone who is able to survive it and recover and say no day by day is a miracle. An absolute miracle. For someone to succumb to it is abysmal and horrible. Don’t trivialize it. At all.

Her not beating her addiction is not her fault. And to say that she was a mere crackhead who wasted her time on earth or who didn’t take advantage of the help offered her or how her death doesn’t matter because Beyonce is alive shows your ignorance your lack of humanity and your overall fucked-from-behind mentality.

People often want to know why I don’t drink or do certain things. Some may believe that it’s because of my religion and faith, but it’s not.

I don’t drink because I know who I am and where I’ve come from. I know that I have poor impulse control in a lot of ways, that I have addictive tendencies in a lot of ways. It’s a miracle that I haven’t succumbed to peer pressure and social pressure and taken a sip of alcohol. Because, honestly, with the shit I have to deal with every day and the shit I’ve dealt with in the past is enough to make anyone drink themselves until they die. I just choose, every day, to live with my shit soberly. And it’s not easy. It is never easy.

And I’m not better than Amy or anyone else who has fought addiction and won or lost simply because by the grace of God I haven’t taken a hit of anything. And as depressing as her death is, I’m glad that she’s free of her pain, her addiction, and the bullshit she had to live with.

Educate yourself on addiction and mental illness. Get yourself or your loved one help today. Remember empathy and compassion goes a long way.

And for God’s sake, conduct yourself as if you can actually be a decent human fucking being.

I'm Annoyed.

First thing's first, I'm moving to Milwaukee, which is why when I saw that on the side of CNN's website an article about the Milwaukee Public Schools laying off more than 300 teachers, my interest was piqued.

That quickly turned into annoyance. I frequently see some politician lamenting on television or on Twitter or in some article about how upset they are about our public schools, how the United States are low on worldwide educational performance lists, how our kids aren't doing well and aren't learning. But how can you be upset when you take money away from the education budget to give to the prison industrial complex, refuse to make our kids whole and well-rounded beings by cutting arts education, by laying off and firing teachers because you can't afford to keep them, by thinking the best way for kids to learn is by shading in a goddamn circle on a standardized test?

As much talking as all these politicians are doing and have done for years, there has been no real progress Hardly anyone in office is fighting for education, for teachers, for districts, and--most importantly--for students. And when this fighting isn't happening, when education isn't high on politicians' priority list our schools are going to continue to fail. Our students are going to continue to fail. Our country is going to continue to fail. And we'll continue to get ridiculous fools in office who don't understand how education works and continue to think that performance on standardized tests indicates intelligence.

It's ridiculous. I want more. I want reform. We need reform. And it needs to happen now.

"Man Down"

So apparently, conservatives are in a tizzy about Rihanna’s video “Man Down” where she’s shown murdering a man. I’d like to call horseshit.

Please know that I am not a Rihanna fan. Nor do I advocate violence, blah blah blah.

What bothers me, however, is that while all these people are upset that she murdered someone, none of them are talking about the fact that her character murdered someone because he sexually assaulted/raped her. The focus is on the fact that she murdered her assailant rather than that she did it because she was violated in one of the worst ways you can violate a woman.

This right here, this uproar with ignoring the incident that informed Rihanna’s character’s actions? RAPE CULTURE.

Murder is wrong; I get it; I know it; I believe it. But to say it’s irresponsible for Rihanna to show this kind of “violence” on television diminishes the role we play from keeping the story in “Man Down” from becoming reality.

Why don’t we talk about why Rihanna’s character killed the man who assaulted/raped her? Maybe it’s because 60% of sexual assaults don’t get reported, partly because women (and men) don’t feel safe enough and supported enough to report them. Some of them, too, don’t feel like justice would be done; I mean, look at the woman from NYC raped by the police officer! Even when women do report their rapes and it’s prosecuted, acquittals happen more often than convictions. And because of this the victim is degraded and considered a liar, whore, etc. And who wants to deal with that? Kobe anyone?

RAPE CULTURE.

Why don’t we talk about the fact that rape kits sit untouched for years, hindering prosecution? Why don’t we talk about the fact that there are statutes of limitations on rape? Why don’t we talk about the seeming lack of care we have for victims and for women so they feel safe enough to walk out their houses (or in their houses) and say with certitude “I doubt I’ll get raped today”? Why don’t we talk about the fact that clearly we continue to ignore the roles men play in rapes and sexual assaults but continue to victim-blame and discuss how appropriately a woman should react? Or the fact that we play the “hush hush, sweep the dirty secrets under the rug” with rape victims in our families or even in our churches? Catholics/Eddie Long anyone?

RAPE CULTURE.

It’s all bullshit to me, complete bullshit. Instead of being angry at Rihanna for depicting a violence that exists for so many women, why don’t these conservatives, parents, what-have-you work on actual legislation and culture-changing that brings these men (and women) to justice? Why don’t they stop focusing on the abstract and focus on the reality?

Women are raped; they are sexually assaulted; and when they aren’t helped, tragedies occur from depression to other mental illnesses to murder to suicide.

That’s a reality that Rihanna can’t change, at least not by herself. But it’s something we all can work on.

But that won’t happen because people are too busy worrying about what Rihanna put in her music video to focus on the realities. |files nails|

Apparently, This Needs To Be Said: Victim-Blaming is Bullshit

I was on Jezebel today and came across this article.

In case you don't know, two NYC police officers were on trial, and acquitted, of rape of a young woman who was drunk. According to reports, the officer raped her while the other officer was a lookout. A 9-11 call was faked, the officer went back to her that night around four times...it's just an all-around horrible, horrible tale of police misconduct and human depravity.

What's worse is that in said article, the wife of the police officer apparently said that the victim should go to hell, that she hates the victim, and that the victim should go to jail.

Wait, WHAT?!

So, apparently, this needs to be said.

1.) You, male or female, need to get consent before you engage in any kind of sexual activity with someone. If a person is under a certain age, no matter if he/she says yes, one cannot legally give consent. If you don't get this consent, this is considered rape.

2.) If a person is drunk or inebriated, he/she cannot give consent. If you have sex with a person under the influence, this is considered rape.

3.) Blaming the victim is the worst thing you can do. It is never a victim's fault for enduring rape. There is no amount of clothes you can wear, nothing you can do, no place you can go to prevent rape. A person is raped because someone raped them. And, yes, your husband is capable of rape. Your father is capable of rape. Your pastor is capable of rape. Focus on them and their seriously troubling actions instead of telling victims they should go to Hell because they were taken advantage of in a state where they couldn't defend themselves.

4.) Cops are supposed to protect and serve, not rape.

5.) As a woman, she should be ashamed of herself. It's horrible for men to blame victims of rape for their crime, but it's doubly grating to see a woman who is oppressed by the same society and could easily herself become a victim of rape blaming a victim or something her raping-ass husband did. How she can sit next to him, defend him, and spew hate for the victim is mind-boggling to me. And frankly, it's disgusting as hell.

Instead of blaming the victim, why don't we support her and other rape victims? She didn't ask for this to happen to her; she didn't seek out a penis to be forced into her vagina.

And while we're at it, why don't we, I don't know, focus on these men who apparently think it's okay to take advantage of and rape a drunk person? Why don't we deal with the rape culture we live under daily? Why don't we teach our men (and some of our women) that rape is never okay and should be punished under the fullest extent of the law? Why don't we end the statutes of limitations on rape? Why don't we make sure police make rape cases a priority so rape kits aren't backlogged? Why don't we teach our girls (and our boys) that it is never their fault if they are raped?

But I guess that shit's way too hard. So let's go back to telling a rape victim she should go to hell. You know, as if she doesn't feel like she's already there.

Scars, Or My Lack Thereof

I've been thinking about this a lot recently because it comes up a lot in conversations with many different people.

Many people are shocked when I reveal to them that I have no scars. I actually have two little ones: one I got from shaving my legs in high school, the other when I cut my arm on a massage chair at Bed, Bath, and Beyond (don't ask). However, both of these scars have faded so much that it's almost impossible to find them. Yes, my skin is the bomb.

I wasn't the kind of child to do things that could potentially hurt me; I'm still not. I refused to join my brothers in jumping off our back porch when we were kids. The first time I fell while attempting to learn to ride a two-wheeler was the last time I rode a bike. I didn't climb trees, and I didn't do too much of playing outside (I live on the south side of the Chi for God's sake).

I've always been the kind of girl who stayed inside and read, wrote, or watched television. I played usually by myself, unless you counted my Barbie dolls. That's just how I was; and it's still how I am.

And I don't feel like I missed out on anything. I hold no regrets about it. My childhood, despite other issues and problems, didn't leave me in want or yearning for the things my peers did that I "missed out on." I knew who I was at a young age, and still hold these tendencies now. They've helped me and saved me.

I have basically no scars. I've never broken a bone. Since I was born, I've never spent the night at a hospital for any reason. I've never been rushed to an ER. And I don't brag on these things or think I'm better than anyone else for it.

It's simply the truth. And I don't regret it at all.

Fat Fashion Fun: Easter Edition

I know Easter was a long time ago. Shut up.

Sometimes, I feel like dressing up and looking cute. And I thought Easter Service at Church was the best time for it.

The white shrug/half-cardigan/whatever was from Ashley Stewart. So is this beautiful orange dress I'm rocking.

Without the thingy. It's strapless!

I act funny sometimes.

Here's a better picture of the jewelry. I'm sure you've seen both the earrings and the necklace before. And, of course, they're from Claire's. I don't know where I got the headband.

My orange shoes are from Payless! Aren't they pretty?

Ladies, it's Spring. Don't let bright colors keep you insecure. Many of them bring out the best in you and your skin. Do it up! Do it big!

Also, go strapless. Do it. Don't say anything. Just do it! 8D

Reclaiming Our Bodies From Hateful Language

I was thinking last night while I was making my PB&J sandwich about how we talk about our bodies and the bodies of other people. Why? I don't know, but it was something that intrigued me.

Words like "bootydo" (i.e. her stomach sticks out farther than her booty do), "muffintop", "moobs", even "beanpole" and "stick" for skinny people becomes language we use to hate the bodies of others and of ourselves. Even "LOVEhandles" gets a bad rap! The assumption is that we a.) have the right to hate, discriminate, and alienate others simply because of what they weigh and how their bodies look; b.) they deserve that treatment; and c.) we can treat ourselves that way as well.

Even the best people have done this, including myself, simply because it's hard breaking away from the fatphobia/fat-hate one has always been reared with. However, I'm making myself more conscious of the terms I use when talking about my body and the bodies of others. I'm making myself aware, too, of the nonverbal cues I give off when I do the same because facial expressions still hold the clues of what you feel even when you fail to form those feelings into words.

If anything, the language we utilize to describe the bodies of others tend to be fueled by disgust and loathing. If we're going to be better human beings committed to ending eating disorders, cutting, depression, and things of that nature, a good start is noticing what we say to people about their bodies or what they eat. We have to be aware of the language we describe ourselves with when we look, or refuse to look, in the mirror. We have to be committed towards reclaiming our bodies from the language used to make us feel inferior to what's socially acceptable. We must treat our sisters and brothers with love and respect to help them love and accept their own bodies. Most importantly, we have to be the strongest advocates for ourselves, refusing to let the ignorant comments of others reflect on who we are as individuals.

Cast down your every thought; replace it with positivity. Reflect; find something good to say about what you see. Change your thoughts about what a woman or man should be or look like.

And check your language; check the language of others as well.