Usher, You Need to Stop RIGHT NOW.

I've been meaning to write this blog for a long time now. I've been completely annoyed by Usher for years, but I just believed that if I ignored him, he and his whack music would go away.

Then, I watched the American Music Awards (which warrants a blog post in and of itself) where clearly tone-deaf, lyrics-ignoring people picked this man to win awards supposedly based off of his contribution to music. Excuse me?!

I couldn't take this anymore. I need to confront Usher with his whackness because he damn sure doesn't deserve to win anything but a boot in the ass.

Let's examine the evidence, shall we?

Usher, after a lackluster debut at around age fourteen or so, reinvented himself and came hard with this gem right here:

Whoa, this dude has a nice voice and puts a great spin on a relationship dilemma. The production is great; the writing is fantastic. Not only that, but the video is original and shows his dancing abilities. This song was on the lips of people for months. Hell, it still is.

That, ladies and gentlemen, was the My Way era. This sent Usher down the fast track to success, and rightfully so, especially due to songs like "My Way," and this joint that used to get every guy laid in the late 90s:

And if you thought Usher was going to come out with a sophomore (or junior, depending on how you view it) slump, boy, you were wrong! He released his highly-anticipated LP 8701 that spawned multiple hits. The album went four times platinum! But why shouldn't it have with great jams like "U Remind Me," "U Got It Bad," "Can U Help Me," (sidenote: what's up with all the U's?) and my personal favorite:

I mean, seriously? This song gets it going in the club, in your car, or in your bed where I was getting it in as I was doing my research for this piece (8]). I even still remember the whole dance from the video! Honestly, 8701 was another iconic era in his career. Solid videos, solid vocals, and solid songs!

Then it all went wrong. Downhill. To hell. With Usher's follow-up Confessions, I noticed a complete dip in artistic competence and ability. Of course the debut single "Yeah" was a clubbanger that I rocked endlessly, but I was surprised to find out along with a friend of mine during a listening session that he was actually trying to tell a story! A story that was stupid at that.

It doesn't stop there.

I can't even pinpoint what exactly I hate about this song. Maybe it's the dumb chorus. Maybe it's his trite way of looking at and relaying this situation. Maybe it's just a worthless song with no depth. And don't get me started on that piece of doo-doo, ca-ca song with Alicia Keys "My Boo," where these two low-talent fools talk about love in the most shallow way ever. Ugh.

Looking back, however, Confessions Usher was golden compared to what's been going on the past couple years. This is where Usher really starts to go downhill, and I want you to truly listen and be honest with yourself at what you're hearing in your ears and your soul.

Let's continue with Usher's Here I Stand Era and his first single "Love in This Club," which is filled with some of the worst lyrics and production ever.

One, most clubs are dirty and disgusting, with dried puke and crabs available for anyone who wants it. Two, why would you make love in a club? I come to have a good time, and you're sexing some slut in front of everybody's eyes? Sickness. Three, y'all not making love. At all. Four, if "Ayyy!" was a person, I'd choke the whoa out of him. Everything about this song is off-putting and disgusting. I don't understand why people like it. The beat isn't even good. Eyeroll and let's continue.

"Moving Mountains" was another single from that era, and I don't even know what's said in the song because Usher's vocals are so God-awful they make me want to jump off some mountains. The problem with this era in his career is that he's supposed to be more mature, creating a more grown-up sound as he evolves into a different, supposedly better man, especially since he was stepping into new roles as a husband and father. This is not done at all in this era. You're an adult, trying to step into responsibility with a song about fucking in a club. Really? Stop.

But then with Raymond Vs. Raymond, created during and after the divorce from his wife, Usher grew as a man, truly. He took his life experiences and the lessons he learned, and he poured them into his music. And you can feel that especially with songs like this one:

Blank stare. o_o

One, there's no reason for a 32-year-old man to EVER say "OMG" or "Oh My Gosh" unless it's in jest, and even that is hardly acceptable. Two, how many times are you going to fall in love at the club?! Stop going to the club because it's clearly not working out for you and all the comes from it is bad music. Three, I'm starting to think that everything Will.I.Am touches turns to shit. Four, there is no reason EVER for a 32-year-old man, especially one who is supposed to be bring maturity to his artistry, should EVER, EVER say the words, "Honey got a booty like pow, pow, pow. Honey got some boobies like wow, oh, wow." If you heard this song and didn't object to these lyrics, you need a lobotomy. The writing to this song is so horrible, it induces anger in me before even pressing the play button on the video. I seriously want to know how he looked at the song and was like, "Dude, this is hot! I want this for my album." Are you serious?! The maturity was where Usher? You're too old for this shit. Danny Glover. (#Aubreylyrics)

Let's also briefly talk about "Hey Daddy (Daddy's Home)" which unfortunately has a feature from Plies. I have a problem with a.) women who refer to their significant other as their fathers and b.) men who refer to themselves as their woman's father. That's creepy, and you both need to see a damn shrink for your daddy issues. Also, why you would feature Plies on a ballad makes absolutely no sense, at all. His voice is aggravating and doesn't fit in with the song. Come on Ursh, think for just a minute!

I also won't talk about how anyone could think it a great idea to write a song with the name of an alcoholic beverage that is usually used for fighting the flu and cold or helping you go to sleep, and then have the nerve to spell it wrong. I also won't go into another superficial love song/club banger where you fall in love, yet again, at a club. Can you go to a bookstore or to the park and fall in love? Can you switch it up? Can you stop being so trite and repetitive? Ugh.

Last but not least, is this ridiculous song:

First, what is a ménagé?! Why would I ask that, Usher? Because the word doesn't exist! It's ménage. And even then that one word does not connote or denote what you think it does (members of a household). Learn the language, and use the whole phrase, idiot. Two, I hate when people romanticize and eroticize homosexuality and bisexuality. I feel (and you can disagree and say why in the comments) as if it's demeaning to treat bisexual and homosexual people as simple sexual objects for your pleasure or to engage in behavior that warrants scorn from so many in this country and not deal with the ridicule, scorn, and hate that comes with it. It's completely superficial. Homosexual and bisexual people are PEOPLE outside of your "Lil Freak" desires. Lastly, this song is just totally ew. Again, it doesn't convey the maturity that he claims is where he's trying to go in his career. And how DARE you take Stevie Wonder's sociopolitical gem "Living For the City" and turn it into this garbage?! That's as bad as Rich Boy sampling Switch's beautiful ballad "I Call Your Name" for his hot crap "Throw Some D's". It's just wrong. It's unacceptable.

Usher has gone the Mariah Carey route in his career. He's neglected true growth, substance, and artistry for radio-friendly hits and no-brain-required pop-dance music. He's contributing to the mindless, drone-like, everything-sounds-the-same music we hear on the radio or watch on television. What's sad is that he's capable of more; he's already done more! If he wanted to, he could crank out some good, honest-to-God, straight-up dope R&B songs and albums, but he's in it for the profit. He's so desperate to both make money and stay relevant that he has forsaken his musical soul so that these teens and twenty-somethings will still buy his music. However, at one point do you honestly, and seriously grow up?

People deserve better. Evolve with your music and force your listeners to evolve with you. A dope thing about Kanye is that he takes the Hip Hop genre and puts his own spin on it while staying true to the culture and staying true to himself as an artist. He takes risks, and he's taking Hip Hop into a new era that leaves wide open a world of possibilities. While Usher is claiming "R&B forever," he has not shown that he's still making and interested in making R&B records. Even "There Goes My Baby" has a hardened drum beat at the bottom, so does "Hey Daddy...". He's not reinventing the genre, simply mashing it up with Pop and Hip Hop (and doing it badly). At this point, he shouldn't even call himself an R&B artist anymore because it's clear that he's a Pop artist.

Usher Raymond was an artist with immense talent, and he still has talent. It is evident that he has a certain aura that people are drawn to and that he can move a crowd and sell records. However, it comes at a price, the neglect of artistry and depth for superficial music and record sales. Recycled themes and surface-level writing with barely-tolerable production can only get you so far, and it shouldn't be rewarded with undeserved accolades and trophies. "Yeah," you'll sell records, and you'll win at awards shows, but you'll stay a simple singer instead of an incredible artist.

Usher, do better.

For Colored Girls Who Considered Comedy When Tyler Perry Wasn't Enough (Spoiler Alert!)

This morning, my mom and I finally went to see Tyler Perry's new film, For Colored Girls. Admittedly, I was cautious due to the reviews I'd seen and the criticism I'd heard. Although Oscar rumors swirled, those hopes were seemingly dashed when many people came out denouncing the film, asserting that it was just another Perry melodrama, devoid of nuance and subtlety, full of stereotypes, and incapable of doing the source material justice.

And all of these thoughts are justifiable. Perry has a habit of dealing with surface-level issues without giving sensible models, solutions, or an in-depth look at motives and actions. Especially after watching Why Did I Get Married 2, it is obvious that Perry has problems telling consistent stories that make sense, using over-the-top acting and drama that appeal to the viewers' emotions and empathy and sympathy in order to bring them into the movie and convince them that said film is worth the viewing. Unfortunately, too many viewers "Stan" for Tyler to the point where criticism isn't valued and a serious, in-depth look at the works in question fails to be done.

Considering all these things, I was actually impressed with the film--albeit to an extent. Visually, the film is stunning. You're met with many colors throughout the film that complements the other aspects of the film. The beginning has Anika Noni Rose's character performing a solo ballet performance, which not only showcases her immense talent but gives the film a different visual feel.

The visuals are only second to the acting. Anika Noni Rose is amazing in every aspect; I can't sing her praises enough. The rest of the cast, men included, take Ntozake Shange's words and make them sound mellifluous and beautiful. They do an amazing job with making you feel their pain, enjoy their happiness, and journey to find their inner strength. Effortlessly, you become an active viewer and participator in the film.

However, the writing is where the problems come in. You can tell where Tyler's words end and Shange's words begin. These two very different writing styles aren't helped by the fact that although I've yet to complete reading the source material, I can tell that Perry has picked and chosen certain parts of the text to force into the different situations he's put the characters into. The writing is disjointed and seems that way throughout the entire film. There needed to be synthesis and sense, and that was absent from the film.

Again, the writing lacked depth, and it also lacked closure, which is seemingly requisite for a Tyler Perry Film. Honestly, Perry wouldn't know closure if a door slammed in his face. And his definition of closure is ridiculous as well. All these ladies go through heartbreaking circumstances that have broken them, one of them being Rose's character's rape. Her closure? Slapping the dead body of her rapist and sleeping with a butcher knife next to her bed. Thandie Newton's character has had to deal with childhood molestation/rape and incest that has caused her to cope by seeking out unattached sexual relationships with men. Her closure? Done through an argument and fight with her mother and Phylicia Rashad's character. Newcomer Tessa Thompson plays a teenager who becomes pregnant and gets a backdoor abortion that nearly kills her, followed by separation from her mother. Her closure? She goes away to college and has a party thrown in her honor! YAY!

Not.

What's really annoying is that all these stories get the Rapidfire Tyler Perry Solution Treatment (RTPST), in which everything is solved within the last five minutes of the film. Believe me, no matter what a character endures in the film, his or her issues from HIV to a cheating spouse to the murder of her children will all be rectified by the end à la "Fix it! Fix it!" from Why Did I Get Married 2. In all honesty, there is no closure. Although Kimberly Elise's character wraps things up by saying that she ultimately found God in herself, the line is delivered with distress and loss instead of the triumph that the book purports. We don't really get to see these women on their way to triumph, just them still working through their issues with no sign of deliverance. And then the movie ends, in the typical Tyler Perry fashion.

That's sad. These actors and actresses give amazing performances, yet are unfortunately working with subpar writing. They definitely make the best of it, but there's only so much you can do as an actor.

I feel like somewhere along the ride, Tyler Perry lost his way. Clearly, his style of writing wasn't a good fit with the moving poetry of Shange. And he ultimately lost the purpose of the original work. Perry admitted that he added Hill Harper's character so that the audience could see that black men weren't all bad, which any intelligent person already knows. The problem is that he used this addition for his own ego, making the story partially about the men instead of focusing on the women, their trials, their tribulations, and their attempts to overcome them. Perry, instead of trying to tell good stories, made it too much about him.

And that's part of where the problem comes in. Many people wondered whether or not Tyler was capable of successfully and convincingly telling the stories of black women, if he could write these women in ways that speak to their inner strength in the face of extreme hardship. Perry was able to do so to an extent, but this movie, aptly titled For Colored Girls, probably should have stayed that way.

We Must Mobilize

There is a disease that is destroying our population, making the lives of people all over the world a living hell. This disorder is virtually unbearable, informing what a person does on a daily basis, sometimes making the little things unreasonably difficult.

No, I'm not talking about heart disease or cancer or HIV. Not today.

I'm talking about that gruesome sonuvabitch called Lactose Intolerance.

I, like many other people around the world, suffer from this evil disease. I can't even drink a cup of milk without fear that I'm going to be on the toilet within hours praying to God to cease my suffering through Pepto Bismol or death.

And it seems like no one cares! People are just like, "Have some soy milk. Get some lactose-free milk." One, soy milk is not like my red-top, Vitamin D milk. And milk that comes out of a bean isn't real milk to me. It's a disgrace. Two, I'd be cool with buying lactose-free milk if it didn't cost four, five dollars more than normal milk. The same goes for lactose-free ice cream. How can you overcharge me for my genetic illness?! Why can't all dairy products just be free of lactose since countless people, mostly minorities, have to deal with this injustice!? (Dietary racism anyone?!!?)

What headway has there been made in Lactose Intolerance research? None that I know of. What therapy is available? None that I know of. What kind of lactose-digesting enzyme shot can I take so I can eat ice cream without two Lactaid pills and a prayer to Jesus?! NONE THAT I KNOW OF.

If you can cure smallpox, Tetanus, the Bubonic Plague, Leprosy, and Polio, you can cure the demonic Lactose Intolerance. I want stuff done! People are suffering out here! People are afraid to eat cheese!!

So I urge the scientists out there to do something more. Yes, study HIV, heart disease, and Necrotizing Fasciitis. But get a committee together to study Lactose Intolerance. My bum-bum and my tum-tum need this!!

Open Letter to Jamiroquai

Dear Jamiroquai,

Hey. What's up, y'all? I'm really excited about Rock Dust Light Star. Congratulations on the new album!

You know, I remember being a eight-year-old child and seeing the video for "Virtual Insanity." I was instantly enthralled. Although, of course, I couldn't fully understand and wrap my mind around the images and artistry involved in the video, I could totally tell that this was some good music and that your band is full of quality.

Imagine my surprise that after a considerable absence, it was announced Jamiroquai were reuniting for another album! I was stoked. Then when "White Knuckle Ride" came out, I was hooked. I was ready. Release date in November? I'm counting quarters, baby. I'm there.

On Monday, I found out the album was released. I immediately went to iTunes to get the album. However, it wasn't there. What? So I go on Amazon. Only three copies of the album were there; they were physical copies; they were $30; and it was an imported version. What in the space cowboy is going on in here?!

So, Jay Kay, I'm freaking out at this point. I'm going on Wikipedia, Google, Yahoo, everywhere to find out why this album that was supposedly released is nonexistent everywhere I go.

I found the answer. I can't find the album because IT'S NOT RELEASED IN THE UNITED STATES, ONLY IN THE UK.

This, Jay Kay, is some Maxwell-type bullshit. This isn't cool. I have my $15 ready, and I can't even support you, and I KNOW you want my money.

And there's no excuse for this. None. In this day and age with all this technology, there's no excuse for your album to not be able to be mass-marketed, mass-produced, and mass-consumed.

This is not fair. I have to wait til 2011 to get your album!? While every one in the UK get to get their Jamiroquai on?! Do you think this is acceptable?! I, and the rest of your US fans, deserve an explanation!

You know, I'm sure I could download the crap out your album. But I'll wait. I'll still support you because I know how crazy it is for artists out here.

But I won't, and I don't, like it!

Sincerely yours,

Kimberly

P.S. I should smack you, but I'll refrain.

Fat Fashion Fun! Take Two

I was supposed to post this yesterday, but I was feeling kinda lazy and tired. Plus, there was an SVU marathon on, so you know I had to be on that!

Anyway, since I don't go nowhere but church, here is another outfit post, showing what I wore to church yesterday. I wore a pretty normal, basic outfit, but I jazzed it up with accessories. The key to any outfit, no matter your size, is how you accessorize it. A fly dress can look like crap based on what jewelry, scarves, or anything else you decide to complement it with.

So do something different; accessorize!

Red hooded peacoat from Sears.

Double-breasted. Oh yeah!

The outfit is very basic. Your simple black long-sleeve tee from Old Navy with dark-washed skinny jeans from Torrid. It's actually one of my favorite combinations, inspired by Sidney from Brown Sugar.

I love hoops and the bigger the better! They're different, too, in that they aren't completely closed. They, along with the three cross necklace, are from Claire's. I also wore my class ring, but you can't purchase that, lol. Oh, and my glasses are from America's Best if you care at all.

Last, but not least, these are the shoes I wore. Simple flats with three decorative buckles across the top from Payless.

Now that I think about it, I probably should've dolled up my wrist....