Check it Out

I came across this and was really happy I did. The read is probably a good five minutes, but it's worth it.

I've seen many times on the web, on FB friends' profile and statuses, and more about how fat people shouldn't wear leggings and skinny jeans. Whatever. I LOVE my skinny jeans and leggings, and if I wanna wear em, I will. But it's disheartening how hostile people are. My weight is a choice; and I shouldn't be forced into a box because you don't wanna look at me. You have a neck; turn it.

http://www.definatalie.com/2010/05/01/you-cant-bully-me-out-of-my-skinny-jeans/

Come Laugh With Me 7.29.10

I'm not even going to comment on this. I'll let it speak for itself (courtesy of Justin and crunktastical.net). Be careful. I had trouble breathing after watching this.

$h!+ Kim Says (Part One)

Most of us are familiar with the twitter name turned book turned television show starring William Shatner "Sh*t My Dad Says" where Justin Halpern blesses us with his dad's funny, cussfilled witticisms.

As great as some of those phrases are, I remember a few of my friends telling me that I should do the same, I guess because I say outrageous stuff that is also funny. In honor of this, I decided I'd dedicate a post to all my personal favorite things that I have said, mostly over Twitter.

And believe me, this is just part one.



$h!+ Kim Says:



On Mario Kart (I was a little upset):
Get yo ass outta my way, effin' Koopa Troopa bitch!!!



On Relationships:
[You] don't want no dude who wanna run a sprint instead of a decathlon.

Flirting with relationships and romance is like being an immortal kamikaze.

If you have to say that you "think" you love someone, then guess what? You're not in love.



On a Person Who Made Me Angry
I'll taze that dude til he becomes fried chicken.



Twitticisms:
I'm sorry; I don't reason with assholes.



On Omarion:
Omarion has a song called "I Think My Girl is Bi." I have a song called "I Think Omarion's Career is a Ton of Shit."



After Seeing a Woman on 79th Street:
Ladies...put on your bras.



On Being a Woman:
Real women won't let trinkets and roses convince them to give you the punani.



On Justice:
Learning about serial killers and murderers reminds me so much of how incompetent I am, at times, of determining what is and is not just.

On Michael Jackson:

MJ was a conundrum, but no more of one than the jackasses surrounding him.



On Fourth of July News:
Homeless man considered a hero for saving American flag during a storm. It's a flag not a baby, damn it.

It is NOT the 4th! Stop launching fireworks! Besides, our ancestors were still slaves the first Independence Day; stop celebrating.



On Homophobia:
I like how this dude is talking as if anal licking and fisting is exclusive to solely people who are homosexual.

We hate as if we're without flaws.

I find it fascinating how much human rights mean so little for those who claim they're Christian.



On Beyonce's Attempt to Push the Envelope:
She tried controversy with "Video Phone," but just came off weird, slutty, and stupid."



On America's Tendency for Possessiveness:
"'It's BP's spill,' the Massachusetts Democrat said, 'but it is America's ocean...'" Uh...since when did we just own all the ocean?!



Twitticism:
There is a difference between a mistake and a regret.



On Artistic Integrity:
If I were an artist, I'd stay independent. I think personal integrity and value for creativity should supersede finances any day.

On Bad Rappers:

I see Flo-Rida's hair line is still doing its Bat signal imitation.

2 Live Crew and "lyrical content" being in the same sentence is absolutely absurd without the words "no," "without," or "absent of."



On Heartbreak:

Heartbreak is a humbling experience. it was for me.

Every person should get his/her heart broken so empathy, humility, and true love can thrive.



On the State of Music:
I wish I could sing so I could pursue a singing career; oh wait, you don't need talent in the industry anymore.

You wanna know why music sucks now? Because talentless people aren't held accountable for their garbage but are rewarded with supporters.



On Christians:
Christianity, unfortunately, doesn't guarantee morality; some of the most evil people I've known have identified by Christ.

Some Christians have good intentions but don't have respect or empathy. That lack ruins it all.



On Culture:
My generation is completely oversexed without understanding true sexuality. Breed intelligence, not bullshit and babies.

We're an image-based culture, which means that we're willing to take pretty lies instead of real truth. And that's SAD.



You're welcome. 8]

Come Laugh With Me 7.27.10

You know, I love the 80's. I'm an 80's baby, and the music is on point across the board, from New Edition to Kajagoogoo. One of the most popular shows during this time period was Punky Brewster, which was popular partially because of the guest appearances from numerous stars. I'm not a fan of the show, but I when I found out that one of my favorite artists, Debarge, made a cameo, I knew I needed to find a clip. I stumbled over this gem a couple years ago, and it still doesn't get old. See the paragon of the 80's and, please, come laugh with me.

First, let's talk fashion. What in the hell were these guys thinking?! James got a single braid with a stupid, weird barrette on it. Then Chico has the nerve to have a freaking puzzle piece in his ear! And I bet the hairspray it took on all of their heads caused 25% of the damage to the Ozone layer. Hell, all that product in Chico's hair is, I'm sure, why he went bald in the early 90's. In addition, Chico's pants are tighter than a car taking a group of frat boys to a strip club with free beer. You can't help but look at them and shake your head. I'm sure they're ashamed too, and they should be.

Now, let's look at the dancing. Start with :56 as James begins to sing "You're a Big Boy." What in the whoa is he doing? Then he takes it even further in the chorus. His shoulder looks like its having an epileptic fit. It's like he's dancing but standing still at the same time. It's confusing. El left the group and shit went to shame.

But don't count Chico out! He's wearing those tight jeans and can barely breathe, procreate, and pump blood, but boy howdy, he's going to shake his little narrow hips! At 3:40, he gets it in. Of course, the jeans choking the life out his veins prohibits one from really getting down on that funky stuff, but it won't stop Chico. He shakes it fast but watches himself...actually he shakes it slow and shows that's his only move, but whatever. Call the choreographer! Bring the Boom-kak!

I won't get started on the disbelief of those kids' acting chops or the unnecessary repetition of the lady passing out. I won't even start on the fact that the Debarges are even there to teach Punky that reading is important when they should have been telling her to stay away from cocaine. Anyhow, I'm sure you had a good laugh. Let's toast to the 80s (and stop black people from dying their hair platinum blond).

10 Random Things I Love

Some weeks ago, I introduced myself a bit by revealing a few of the things I absolutely abhor. Now, I thought that I'd contrast that with ten of the things that make me happy.

1.) Learning about serial killers

I'll turn your butt into a lampshade! Seriously, I will.

Is it weird? Yes, but this is honestly one of the things I am most interested in, and I have a lot of random knowledge about them from Ed Gein to John Wayne Gacy to Ted Bundy to Ottis Toole and more. I have this fascination with serial killers and what makes them who they are. I would never do it personally, but if Biography, or American Justice, or 20/20 is on and detailing this stuff, I set a reminder on my cable box, and I watch, boyhowdy. I should be a criminologist.

2.) Making playlists

I love music: listening to it, discovering new stuff, even making it at one point. What I like to do is make playlists, and I have some good ones, including "Focus Music" for when I needed to do homework or grading, "Nuptials" for the deep in love wedding songs (sometimes I get in those moods), "The Pillow Playlist" for those sensual moments, "The Quiet Storm" which is a staple playlist for the human being, and even "Unemployment Dreams" which is filled with encouraging songs to keep me from going crazy as a person without a job and an unknown future. I make GREAT playlists which are available upon request. I really don't know why I'm not a DJ.

3.) Shoes

SHOEGASM!!

If there's something that gets me going more than a fine man, it's a good pair of shoes. If i had money, please believe that I'd be known by first name at DSW, Nike, Payless, Footlocker, and any other place one can purchase fly kicks. Even images of a nice pair of sandals can send shivers up my spine and make my mouth salivate. Isn't that what shoes do to normal people? Of course.

4.) Muppet Treasure Island

Cabin Fever, ahh!

While some people say that their favorite movie is Schindler's List or Avatar or some other melodramatic, action-filled, thought-provoking tearjerker/Best Picture Oscar winner, my favorite movie is that literal treasure Muppet Treasure Island. Although a certain someone is a hater and endlessly insults such cinematic majesty, I find the film completely awe-inspiring, hilarious, and panacean.

5.) Hula Hooping

Double-dutch bus my ass!

I shocked and amazed some of the people in my life when I decided late last year that I was going to learn how to hula hoop by any means necessary. It took a while, considerable patience, and dogged resolve, but I made it happen. Now, I'm a hula hooping queen and try to do it every day, usually when I'm watching television or jamming to a song. When I would get nervous and queasy almost every day before I went to teach last spring, I'd hula hoop in the morning, and it calmed my nerves. A 7.99 cure from anxiety and hypertension? Win!

6.) Coloring

One of my original works

Coloring is another thing I find completely calming. I haven't done it in a while since I don't have the kind of markers that I want, but maybe I'll get back into that because I sure have a whole bunch of Velvet posterboards that haven't been colored yet.

7.) Baking Brownies

It took me twenty years of life to figure out that one of the things I love to do is bake sugar-filled goodies for other people, with brownies being my specialty. And people seem to love them! Sure, how hard can it be to follow the directions on a box, but there's something more, I believe. Time, precision, and love and can anything that tastes good that much better.

8.) Jeopardy

Daily Double cuz I aint a punk!

I love Jeopardy, and I'm pretty good at it. Granted, I don't think I know enough random information to go on and win, but I do pretty well in my bedroom at 3:30. I think I'll be ready for it in about 5-7 years. Plus, it keeps you on your toes.

9.) Books

Books is the co-conspirator with shoes to the murder of my bank account. But I don't regret it in the least bit. I'm a writer, so, of course, I love to read. I don't do it as much as I want to and that I should because I spend a bit too much time on the internet and watching television, but I've managed to get through 3 books this past summer, and I plan on doing more. And I don't just read fiction; I make sure I balance out reading for fun with reading for intellectual enlightenment with nonfiction/sociological works. Eff a Kindle; flipping through pages is a Godsend.

10.) Mario Kart for the Wii

It's probably good that I don't have a Wii because I'd probably end up as a hermit with no concept of reality. Playing this game last spring is probably one of the reasons why I wasn't turning things back on time to my students. Whatever; it was worth it because this game is fun as hell. Was I addicted? Maybe a bit, because that was all I could think about at night when I was grading and lesson planning. It got so bad that I even settled for playing it on the N64, only to realize that the graphics suck and ain't nothing like the real thing, baby. Marvin Gaye.

And Koopa Troopa is a still a cheatin' ass bitch.

Come Laugh With Me 7.22.10

Hip Hop is such an important and viable force in our culture. Graffiti, fashion, breakdancing, and the music still dominate our everyday lives, from what we have on our iPods to the songs McDonald's puts in its commercials to the Hip Hop dance classes little suburban babies take for fun. Well, it aint just for your baby or for black people! Let this lady teach you about Hip Hop (courtesy of allhiphop.com)!

On My Soapbox 7.20.10

First, read this.

Now, this is just yet another example of a phenomenal occurrence in American politics and business, one that just boggles my head.

Whenever someone allegedly and slangily "fucks up," they always resign, from whatever position they hold, and I just don't understand why.

Now, I can understand it if you're in a high office, say a governor who promises to prosecute prostitutes, and you break the law, say paying for said prostitutes. Your resignation is necessary, not because you like getting your rocks off with ladies other than your wife or because you're a flagrant hypocrite, but because as someone who is in a governmental position, you can't be breaking the law.

What I have a problem with is when people say dumb stuff or controversial statements or words taken out of context and they resign. That's a bitch move in my opinion. However, I can understand some of those instances because most of those people are in a situation of "Either quit or be fired," and you gotta tuck your tail between your legs, retract your claws, and do what you gotta do.

That, to me, reflects a lot of common American sentiment and the prevalence of the "Politically Correct Culture." I feel that as long as you're doing your job and doing it well, and you work to make amends for your missteps, then I could forgive and move on. However, America doesn't put much value in redemption and rehabilitation. After all, look at our penal systems.

Granted, if you say some stupid stuff and you are the face of a brand, you need to go. You're a liability, and as a business decision, it's better to save face a company than continue working with someone who jeopardizes a company. However, should your personal transgressions, say cheating on your spouse, affect your endorsement deals or governmental positions? I don't think so, as long as it's not affecting your work (say escaping to South America to be with your mistress and then lying about it).

At the same time, though, what kind of place are we in the world where people simply roll over and accept those kinds of circumstances? Personally, you can't force me out of a job just because people got offended by the stuff I said. I do my job, and I do it well. If you don't like me because of my personal beliefs that aren't a liability, tough.

However, it's different in said case I started off with. There was so much more to the video in which Republicans or Conservatives tried to prove either the NAACP were indeed racists themselves or that reverse racism is alive and well. As a matter of fact, Shirley Sherrod was proffering a story about the perils of prejudice and how she personally changed her own views on race.

Now that we all know the truth, what's the big deal? But even more, she knew all of this from the beginning, so why resign? If you wholeheartedly believe you've done no wrongdoing, why act like you have? Why punish when there is no crime?

Of course, I don't know all the nuances or behind-closed-door talks that have taken place in the wake of this "scandal," but I can't help but wonder why so many people automatically resign when unfortunate things come to light, especially if it doesn't affect their work or if they've actually committed no wrong.

Maybe you can help me out with that. Weigh in.

On My Soapbox 7.15.10

Today I finally sat down to watch the last two videos out of the three-part interview with Bilal about his new album Airtight's Revenge that's dropping in September (link here). As always, I let the videos load and slacked off elsewhere until they were finished.

After a few minutes, I came back, ready to absorb the greatness that is Bilal, but lo and behold, what was I met with?!

Yes, my friends, that is ass.

Now, my alma mater had this whole tizzy about American Apparel and how they objectified women and promoted pornography, and I largely stayed out of it because I wasn't familiar with their advertising and I was too busy grading papers to care at that time. Plus, Calvin is tight-assed about pretty much everything, so I wrote them off about it.

This, however, is just crazy! I can't concentrate on Bilal and his revelations about his music among other subjects with some woman's ASS in my face. Is this what the world is coming to?

And then the nerve to have "creative control" under it! That's not creative: strip clubs and Playboy has been doing that pose for years!

And the loser out of all this is that woman whose portfolio now includes her splayed ass displayed for the whole world. Does respect or reverence come from that? I don't think so, and maybe for her, a paycheck holds more importance than dignity. I don't know. I just didn't think I'd be met with advertising-"Tip Drill" when I was going to watch Bilal's interview.

Granted, some people were probably excited to see that. That person was not me. I'd expect this from some rap interview, but seriously? And what does American Apparel have to do with this interview AT ALL?!

I'm not saying that American Apparel should be boycotted or criticized or ashamed...I'm just saying that I don't like ass in my face.

That is all.

Come Laugh With Me 7.15.10

I came across this vid on thecynicalones.com, and boy is this a treat. Please, come laugh with me.



First, I know of Norwood Young, but I have no idea who he is or what he does. I know he has famous friends, but why, I'm not sure.

Now, this video is a whole heap of mess with a few redeeming qualities. The song is catchy, point blank, but catchiness doesn't make up for lack of depth and simplistic rhyme schemes. I'm a grown woman; I can handle a little complexity. "I Fell in Love With You First" just sounds like some kid-like "I told on you" stuff, and if my man said that to me, I'd respond with "I Broke Up With You First."

Next, the love interest is just lost. When Norwood is inexplicably frolicking in the tree at 2:11, she's doing some weird rock as if she doesn't know what to do. Also, her hair looks a hot mess throughout the whole video. Work on yourself, sweetie.

The next thing that bothers me about the video is the fashion. An Obama Football Jersey with Skinny jeans? The Stevie Wonder "Songs in the Key of Life" dashikis? The jheri curl without the activator? Did I see a fanny pack?! And those orange shoes need to die. Come on Norwood. What's going on? (And you might want to laser remove that whack chain tattoo on your neck.)

Also, the shameless plug at the end of your new book? Getting the girl all dolled up to go to the carnival? Shame on you Norwood. Shame.

Lastly, the choreography is just wrong...as a matter of fact, it doesn't exist when it's so badly needed. Start with 2:33 and just keep going. The pursed lips with weird rock number 2 just aren't a good look. Laurie Ann, bring the boom-kak.

Now with all that said, Norwood isn't a bad singer. I don't think I'd mind listening to him if he had a decent song to work with. A few improvements, and dude could be on his way to a strong underground/indie following.

However the joke is on me, because a couple seconds ago I was dancing and singing "Na na na na na na...."


Goddammit.

The Best Ways To Piss Me Off (Part Two)

So, you already know that to annoy me, you should ask me about my relationship status. That's a surefire way to anger me should you wake up in the morning in desperate need of a good tongue-lashing. However, I promised you two ways to piss me off. What, oh what, could be the second thing?

Ask:

Have you lost weight? Are you losing weight?

Now, this question shouldn't annoy me, right? I mean, why would someone be upset that one is noticing that she is shedding weight? What's wrong with encouraging healthy living? After all, some people desire with everything and are willing to sell their grandmother to be asked that question!

My problem with that question is the subtle nuances behind this question, which to me sound like, "Finally, that fat-ass decided to lose that fifth-grader."

Granted, not everyone would be thinking that in asking that question; however, the people in my life who usually ask that question do. These people have been giving me grief over my weight my entire life, and when I trick them by wearing my skinny jeans, boy, do they jump for joy!

My weight has been an uphill battle for me, one that I am winning. Not because I've decided to lose weight (because I haven't), but because I love myself for who I am now and through any and all circumstances. However, I have people who make their comments or their faces and it's annoying. And they don't have to be honest about how they feel because I can infer it.

I don't know if I've lost weight, and at this point in my life, I frankly don't care. For now other than, or in spite of, my carpal tunnel, I'm very healthy. I try to hula hoop every day, and I try to make sure my body isn't in "starvation mode," which I've been doing to myself for years.

So, I don't need people damn near ready to cry their eyes out over a pound or two I lost on the toilet because I can finally be that person they longed that I would be. It doesn't make me happy; it takes me aback. Because it makes me wonder if you really, honestly care about me for me.

So maybe it doesn't just piss me off, but makes me pensive.

The Best Ways To Piss Me Off (A Two-Part Series)

Yesterday, I was reading an old IM conversation with me, my friend Rhi, and my homie Tikez, and in this conversation we had a semi-intense, semi-jovial argument. About what, praytell?

That I'm supposedly always mad about something.

Although in this conversation I tried to deny it, it became pretty apparent that there are things that just bother me, and this irritation has a long-lasting period.

Although there are many things that make me mad and piss me off, there are two ways that, if you for some reason wanted to, would fill me with rage and will pretty much guarantee you a harangue, if not a full-on curseout.

Here's one of the best ways to piss me off.

Ask: Where's your boyfriend at? Are you going to be the next to get married? When are you going to settle down? Etc.

For some reason, all the old people in my family want to know about my relationship status. Fuck the fact that I just graduated from college, or all the hard work I've done, or my fabulous student teaching experience, or my awesome friends, or my job hunt. All of that clearly doesn't matter. What they want to know is where is my man, why I'm single, when am I going to get someone.

That shit grinds my motherfucking gears.

Today, my septuagenarian cousin came over and just like always, asked me, "Where is he?" That shit was cute in high school when I was trying to do everything in my power to get a boyfriend, but as a twenty-one year old with so many life experiences and a bright future to look forward to, the only thing people, usually old people, ask about is whether or not I'm in a relationship and when they're going to meet him.

Let me make one thing clear: There is no "him." There will be no "him" for a long time. I'm trying to get out my mom's house, and that's at the forefront of my mind. I could multitask but I'm not capable of it right now. I'm open to a relationship, but my main focus is getting some income, bettering myself, and, again, getting out my momma's house.

However, no matter how much I say this, the inquiry never stops. My entire life, all my college experiences, all my hopes and dreams are trimmed and narrowed down to what's on my arm, what's on my left ring finger, and what's in my uterus. Nothing else matters, as if there's nothing worth asking about or nothing else I'm good for. I don't have a mind; I don't have goals; and I clearly don't have any aspirations aside from being someone's girlfriend/wife and giving that man some babies.

Fuck that.

If you're at least going to ask that question, ask a whole bunch of other shit first. Ask about my last year at school, my roommate situation, my extracurricular activities, my student teaching, my interview in Detroit, what I plan on doing in the future, and after you've exhausted all avenues, then, and only then, should you ask me about "him." And after you do that, don't ask me that shit for another year!

There is so much more to my life than being with someone. I suggest everyone get that in their thick skulls before I have to buy a quiver and some arrows to shoot you in the face with.

There aren't enough slaps.

On My Soapbox 7.8.10

Over the past week or so, I've become disconcerted about the state of the nation. So much is going on right now: injustice, death, and sadness suffuse our everyday lives, and yet I think we're distracted.

The BP Oilspill is still raging on yet we can't help but throw accusatory fingers (or even prayers as directed by Kim Kardashian) at Lindsay Lohan for her reckless behavior that has potentially landed her in prison and rehab.

Oscar Grant's killer, a BART officer who supposedly mistook a gun for a taser while Grant was already handcuffed on the ground with a knee to the back and whose indiscretion cost the life of said victim, was charged with simple involuntary manslaughter, a sentence that carries a maximum of four years and will most likely not be served in full. And yet barely two hours after the reading of the verdict, people are tweeting and updating their Facebook statuses about Lebron's team choice with no mention of this despicable example of injustice.

Are we not in a recession? Are our streets not plagued with violence? Is homophobia not alive and well not only in our churches but in our legislation? Are we so blinded by material, worldly objects, and other people's lives that we don't care about the things most directly influencing our daily lives? Do we need distractions that much? Is our attention span that short?

I'm not saying that we shouldn't pay attention to Lohan or James, but let's put things into perspective. Let's remember the very real challenges that are making a mark on our lives. Because, let's face it, LeBron ain't signing your unemployment check or cleaning up the Gulf.

This is Probably the Greatest Thing Ever

Rape is one of the constant battles that women have been fighting endlessly in this patriarchal world will live in. However, if this lady has anything to say about it, the fight will get a bit easier. Peep it. ---> http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/africa/06/20/south.africa.female.condom/index.html?iref=obnetwork

Shoutin' Out!

I just wanted to make a couple of shout-outs.

Ahem.

1.) Shout out to all the ladies who hold their boobs when they run.
2.) Shout out to all the men who think that women will be impressed by bathing in cheap cologne.
3.) Shout out to all the people who read my blog and comment regularly.
4.) Shout out to all the people who don't let their lactose intolerance ruin their fun, yet pay for it on the toilet.
5.) Shout out to the ladies who still stuff their bras with toilet paper.
6.) Shout out to the people who think it's a good idea to put all their dirty laundry on Maury.
7.) Shout out to my brother who thinks that fat people don't want to go to the gym.
8.) Shout out to the people whose insides hurt when they internet shop because they know they don't have any money. |cries desperately|
9.) Shout out to all the recent college grads who don't know what their lives are going to look like.
10.) Shout out to the people taking the NBA draft way too personally.
11.) Shout out to the people who think it's amazing the homeless guy saved the American flag in the storm when he's probably homeless because America fucked him over as a veteran.
12.) Shout out to those who celebrate the Fourth of July with debauchery.
13.) Shout out to the people who celebrated Independence Day by blowing fireworks out their asses.



14.) Shout out to the teens getting drunk faster by pouring alcohol into their eyeballs.
15.) Shout out to my natural ladies!!
16.) Shout out to my permed ladies!!
17.) Shout out to people still rocking the curl.
18.) Shout out to people who think they know what they're talking about but really don't so they look stupid.
19.) Shout out to Reality TV stars who take themselves too seriously (You're not famous; you're just a hoe who widened his/her stroll).
20.) Shout out to the regular people.

Music Roundup 7.5.10

Here are the songs I've been feeling over the past couple weeks. Enjoy!

Bilal, "Free"



The Roots, "Dear God 2.0"



The Roots, "Rock You"



B.o.B. feat. Playboy Tre and T.I., "Bet I"



J. Dilla, "Lightworks"



J. Dilla, "Won't Do"

10 Random Things I Hate

So, I thought that I'd take a little time to introduce myself a little since I haven't done that yet. What better way to do that than to talk about the things that I don't like, things that are in many ways very meaningful to me? So, let me just let you in a little bit more into what kind of person I am by talking about the ten very random things that I absolutely can't stand.

1.) Vanilla Bean Ice Cream

What I hate most about Vanilla Bean Ice Cream is the dumb ass beans in it. Why are they even there?! I don't understand! They feel weird in your mouth, they have no taste, and they contribute absolutely nothing to ice cream. When I ask for vanilla and get vanilla bean, I get pissed off. People think I'm crazy or just way too picky for making this distinction, but are there any beans in other ice cream? No, so why should it be in vanilla? Makes me sick.

2.) Nicki Minaj Stans

I don't like Nicki Minaj Stans because they're just weird. I don't like her music, and she freaks me out, and I really don't like how she uses sexuality to cater to men. Lyrically, she's aight I guess, but she isn't on my radar. I respect her for what she does though, and that's what people should have--respect. Even liking her is fine, but to emulate and imitate her, and doing it cheaply at that, just makes you look stupid. P.S. Barbie is White.

o_o

3.) Dry Lotion

I can't explain why I hate dry lotion. It's the texture that gets me, I guess. I go out my way to avoid it, and if I have to touch it with my bare hands, it freaks me the hell out. The only things worse than dry lotion are dry conditioner and dry body wash. Call me crazy, that's just how I feel.

4.) Orange Juice

I hate orange juice for many reasons. One, I hate the pulp, and, yes, I am aware that there is OJ without pulp. Two, it tastes disgusting. Three, when I was sick my mom took away my milk and forced me to drink it. I denounce Orange juice. Shun!

5.) Flies

While all insects pretty much piss me off and gross me out, flies, to me, are the workers of the Devil. What really grinds my gears is how flies have the affinity to fly into blinds and buzz all around them, creating a sound that just drives me crazy. I try to open doors and give them the opportunity to leave, but they refuse. Then, they fly around your face and ears, trying to harass you. Well, I don't take that kind of crap lying down, which is why I've killed two flies in the past two nights. Last night, I even squeezed one to death, which is kinda effed up but needed to be done. Anyway, Carol's Daughter Tui Leave-In Conditioner spray stuns them a lot. Who knew it had dual uses?

6.) Chocolate Cake

Aesthetically, this picture is enticing. But would I ever let it slide down my throat and into my stomach juices? HELL NO! I absolutely hate chocolate cake (and most other chocolate products). I've tried again and again over the years, and I STILL hate it. It just tastes like hot spongy garbage, and I can't get with it. It's so bad that my mom disowns me for it, claiming that no child of hers could hate chocolate cake and that I must have gotten switched at birth. The disrespect!

People also wonder how I can hate chocolate cake but love brownies. I'll say it's because brownies taste better and don't suck. Unless it's those cakey chocolate brownies. Those piss me off. It's like an impostor.

7.) Phat Girlz


The tagline in the picture says that "She's proving that BIG is Beautiful." Uh, no she doesn't! Mo'Nique was trying to show what big women go through by making this film. What she showed instead was black women stereotypes and big women stereotypes, like we're all loud, ghetto, angry people who hate skinny women because we can never be them and because all the men want them. The plot was horrible, the acting was horrible, and everything about this film was just dead-ass wrong. If you haven't seen this movie yet, don't. Continue your life without this movie slowly burning your corneas for a good hour and a half.

8.) People Who Put All Their Business on Facebook

We all go through bad days and have drama. Sometimes, you feel the need to purge, to share that with someone before you explode. That's understandable. But when you feel that way, call your BFF or see a therapist instead of letting us see you air out your dirty laundry on Facebook. Why are you cursing out your baby daddy or having arguments with your mom on your Facebook status and wall? Why are you posting your ex-friends' secrets on Facebook? Stop being an internet thug and clogging up people's Feeds with your ignorance. It's infantile. Grow up.

9.) Missionaries

Do you know what missionaries have done in the Americas and Africa? Exactly.

10.) People Who Wear Pashminas and Scarves Inside

You may say, "Kim, you're being really judgmental with this one." I say, "So what?" It bothers me when people wear scarves inside and pashminas because they do it to look "cool." It's a fad. I feel bad for all the people who wore them before it caught on because they did it because they thought it was aesthetically beautiful and that it fit their personal style. Now people do it because other people do it, and that's just sad. And I really don't understand why people wear scarves inside because it's hardly ever cold inside, and if it is your flimsy ass scarf won't warm you up, so what's the point? Exactly. Honestly, to me, it's part of the Indie Kid uniform, and it looks ridiculous. There are actually people who wear pashminas for religious reasons you trivializer.

Stupid Statement of the Day 7.1.10

I took a break from the internet and television today to continue the book I've been reading for a couple weeks now called Sex and the Soul by Donna Freitas. In it she explores the connection, or lack thereof, between sex and spirituality/religion on college campuses. While I've read some enlightening and intriguing things in the book, I've read some outrageous, absurd stuff that blew my mind. I've known dumb-ass college kids during my four years at Calvin, but this just takes the cake. Peep it:

"I want to clarify that the one time I have had intercourse has been with my girlfriend who I am more than close with....We are both devoted Christians who are devoted to virginity until marriage. We fell to temptation and for ten minutes we lay together, me inside of her. We did not move or create physical pleasure for it hurt her too much to move. We stopped before we had sex but we did engage in intercourse, at least this is how we have come to see it. We are devoted to virginity now stronger than ever as a result" (120).

The world is full of stupidity.