Kim Might Smack You: For Real.

Let me set up the premise for this post.

Yesterday was Labor Day, the celebration of the end of summer when family and greedy friends come over to eat your barbeque, shoot the breeze, catch up, and hang out. You take off work (or your blog 8]). You get your glutton on. You stay up late; I actually had to race the sun so I could beat it to bed.

Before I went to slumber, though, I spent a couple hours talking to a particular person whose identity will be withheld (and when you see where I'm going with this, you'll see why). We talked about a variety of subjects, which we always do. This particular conversation, took a strange turn for the worst...or for the bullshit.

This person brought up a situation with his former roommate who tried to force himself on a girl and didn't realize it was sexual assault. The person and the ex-roomie's mutual friend didn't see this particular incident as a problem (which is shitty in and of itself). The person told the mutual friend that the girl was awake and cognizant of the situation, and they both agreed that the situation that ex-roomie put the girl in was absolutely not cool.

Great, right?

Wrong.

The person then followed the anecdote with the words, "If she had been passed out, I would understand. Even I would have probably copped a feel..."

My mind stopped functioning. I was confused, shocked, damn-near dumbfounded. I must have heard this person wrong. Hell, I imagined this whole thing. Oh, how Barney has made my mind full of freaky, imaginative thoughts and possibilities. Whew!

No. The person said that. And meant it.

So, I couldn't let that ride. Nope; can't do it. As a woman and a human being, I had to set the person straight.

"You know that's sexual assault, right?" I said.

"No it's not."

Blank stare. "Yes it is. You're touching someone inappropriately without her knowledge and without her consent."

"But how would she know?"

A great big "OH HAAAAYELLLL NAAAAAW!!!!" with a full on dramatic turn and neckroll fully occurred in my head. Had I been standing, I probably would have made it happen.

I struggled to control myself; this person is logical, so that's the kind of appeal I'll have to make, tacking on the pathos. "It doesn't matter whether she knows it or not; it's morally and legally reprehensible."

"Well, I see where you're saying, and I see the other side of the equation, but I can't say that it's completely wrong. I mean, she put herself in that situation..."

At this point, I was damn done. It was four thirty in the morning, and I needed to go to sleep, which would keep me from grabbing the floor lamp and clubbing the person to death.

What's even worse is that when I asked the person if it would be cool if I were passed out from drinking (which would never happen) and some pervert fondled my breasts, the person couldn't even unwaveringly, flatfootedly say no. That's some shit.

This whole anecdote serves as a frame. It shows a despicable part of patriarchy, where there exists an overwhelming assumption by many men that they can do pretty much whatever they want to women if they can get away with it simply because they have a penis.

How can anyone think they have the right to touch a woman sexually without her permission? It doesn't matter how she's dressed or whether she's awake or not. I don't care if she drank an entire bottle of Grey Goose and injected herself with ten tequila shots, a man has no right to touch a woman's breasts or genitals under any circumstances without consent. Bottom line.

And for anyone who thinks it's not sexual assault, let's approach the definition. According to Wikipedia, the United Kingdom's Sexual Offences Act 2003 makes this definition of sexual assault: A person (A)

1.) intentionally touches another person (B),

2.) the touching is sexual,

3.) B does not consent to the touching, and

4.) A does not reasonably believe that B consents

For the United States, it is stated that the definition varies on a case-by-case basis, but sexual assault is defined by The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network as "unwanted sexual contact that stops short of rape and attempted rape. This includes sexual touching and fondling."

So no matter how much ol' dude tries to justify it, breasts are also part of this category. You cannot touch a woman's breasts without her consent just because you have the opportunity to do so without being caught. It's wrong. It's disrespectful. It's disgusting. It's vile.

This person is college-educated, is for environmental justice and racial justice, and has studied philosophy and business. Too bad academic learning can't make up for morality, compassion, and common sense.

Sexual assault is not funny, and it must be taken seriously, especially by men. Men cannot believe that they have the right to touch any woman sexually without her approval, especially if she's passed out. That shit is fucking sick to me.

I'd issue a slap, but I wouldn't want my hand touching a perverted deviant's face.