Jobs I Can't Have: Resident Director (RD)

As I work on applications for jobs and programs, I thought about potential Plans B, C, D, E, F, and G.

One thing I thought about was working at Calvin, something I absolutely don't want to do. I don't want Calvin to be a crutch and then get stuck there for the rest of my life. Besides, I'd only want to teach at Calvin which would be awesome. Oh, how awesome that'd be...for me, not the students. Ha ha!

However, I thought, "Hmm...what if I became an RD until I got on my feet?"

Then I came to my senses.

People, of course, will say that I'd be a great RD. I'd be fair, refuse to put up with crap, and do what I can for students. And that's true. The problem is that those students would drive me fucking crazy.

I have patience for high school students. I don't have the patience for pseudo-adults who'd rather be the "pseudo-" instead of the "adult." I'd have to inform them not to have sex, or do drugs, or just act like a reckless son/daughter-of-a-bitch in the dorms, a directive they'd fucking ignore which will piss me off. Then I have to look your defiant ass in the face with your privilege and lack of regard for other people day after day after day. Sure, this won't be the majority of people, but this 1% would be enough to make me walk away after lining everyone up and slapping them down.

And it won't just be students, oh no! I'd have to deal with Calvin because I won't be forced into bullshit. I know that pseudo-adults are stupid, and I'd tell them not to have sex at all since that's what they agreed to by attending this institution. But I'd also tell them to have safe sex, which would undoubtedly get me in trouble since those people in Grand Rapids are so freaking uptight.

Then, I don't think I could deal with the pervasive ignorance in the student body. In the classroom, no one ever speaks, so I could deal with that, but being amongst the crazy 18-22 year old men and insecure 18-22 year old females with their privileges and racism and sexism and superiority complexes and republicanism and heterosexism on a daily basis in such close quarters...no thanks.

Not to mention the people who dishonor open house and the fools who come in through the back doors after 12 and make the alarms go off. I would complain that it'd wake me up, but...it wouldn't at all.

Basically, I don't need to have what sanity I have destroyed by Calvinites and Calvin. They already tried that for four years, and I don't think working with students in that particular capacity serves me or students well.

I'd rather teach. That shit's fun.