I suck; let's move on.
I went to church today. Every once in a blue moon, I find myself sitting in the pew, arms folded, eyes narrowed at the pulpit, biting my tongue as my chest heaves. Why?
Because my pastor said something completely ignorant.
Believe me people, Waka Flock, Lindsay Lohan, and T.I. aren't the only people suffering from perpetual brain farts.
Usually, the aspiring mayor annoys me with his oppressive views of the LGBT community and marriage. Today was different.
The message was supposed to be an inspiring one, one of hope and persistence. It was supposed to be a focus on working toward goals and whatnot, of taking a step in the right direction so that God will take two.
Then he said, "To all my overweight people, why stay overweight until you die?", referring to a scripture from 2 Kings. "Why stay single and unattractive, living with the wrong notion that bigger is better?"
He might as well have said "Fuck yo fat ass." I would at least respect him more for that.
Notions like these are dangerous though, and I sat throughout the rest of the service picking apart the dumb-ass things he said. So here are my numerous problems with this ideology.
1.) I will not let anyone tell me what to do with my life or who should I be.
2.) I will not let anyone tell me what my value is as a person or that this value is contingent upon how much a scale tells me I weigh.
3.) I will not let anyone tell me that I am not worthy of being loved because I carry more weight than the average woman.
4.) It's not like he is Reggie Bush built or anything. Don't be the pot taunting the kettle.
5.) What message does this send? Basically that you as you are is not enough. It assumes that love is completely conditional, that you have to be something other than who you are to be romantically and sexually appealing to someone.
6.) Telling me I'm basically a fat bitch is no motivator for losing weight.
7.) This is why girls are sticking their fingers down their throat and have Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Girls have self-esteem issues and anorexia because of shit like this.
8.) I will not let any man tell me who I should be as a woman. Ever. EVER.
9.) It assumes that one's romantic life will fall into place after losing weight, as if there is no other romantic problems that will come into a relationship or that the other person won't have any baggage.
10.) So is it safe to assume that if I gain weight after having three kids and have a little trouble shedding those extra pounds, my husband will fall out of love with me and get with some smaller female?
11.) What, we can't call people to act like Jesus and love unconditionally, despite size?
12.) I'm pretty sure there are plenty of men out there who'd be wiling to love my fat ass.
My biggest problem, though, is number five. I can't believe a person who believes and espouses a message of unconditional love can make it completely conditional. I also can't believe the message of self-hate that comes along with it. It's totally dangerous and not helpful.
I, personally, have dealt with way too much bullshit to allow anyone to tell me that my physical appearance makes me unworthy of love. I can't; I won't.
I love myself unconditionally. I look in the mirror and feel satisfied, proud, lustful (Ha ha). Comments like that don't hurt me anymore, but I wonder how many children, teens, and insecure adults heard that message and left church with their feelings hurt instead of feeling positive, hopeful, and filled with the beauty of God, especially from a public figure and spiritual leader who is supposed to inspire them and lift them up.
We all are in different places in our lives. In mine, I'm content and in love with who I am.
And I am confident that I will find someone who's good with that.
Oh, and kiss my fat ass. 8]
Honestly, I just feel like its associated with the generation. Older people still have this idealistic view when today people are embracing their bodies and finding contentment and happiness in it. Older people don't understand that. I have one auntie who judges everybody on their weight on Thanksgiving. "Oh, when you gon lose that weight?" "You look like you been trying to lose weight." She's obsessed.
ReplyDeleteIdeologies have changed since then. Why? We realized that if you base your happiness on some minute aspect of your life, you'll never be content. There will ALWAYS be something wrong. If you got thinner, then you may never be thin enough. Or maybe you did get thin enough. Next, you'll be self conscious about something new that stands out to you now that you're thin. The cycle will continue forever and you'll always be that depressed, low self-esteem, border-line suicide victim.
It's funny because the whole love and physical qualities thing is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Studies show that when people look for a partner (male or female), they are most attracted to confidence (even if they don't realize that's what they are attracted to). If you're hella self-conscious and have low self-esteem, you don't exude confidence. Therefore, you are unattractive to the opposite sex (or same...whatever). If they would just see the association, they wouldn't be so depressed about not finding a man.
Personally, I used to be real self-conscious, had low self-esteem, and was always finding something wrong with myself. Then sometime in freshman or sophomore year, I realized I was the shit and nobody could tell me otherwise, lol. Everybody has flaws, but I'm still gorgeous regardless (even if only to myself since i'm the only one that matters). I'm addicted to mirrors now, lol. Following my confidence boost, I encountered more male attention. My appearance didn't change. My attitude about myself did.
So, if I ever want to change something about myself. It'll be for me, not for someone else's love. I don't give a damn. All I need is the love I give myself. Everyone else is secondary and unnecessary.
I definitely agree with you about the generational thing. I think a lot of our parents, grandparents, aunts, what-have-you have suffered and still suffer from a lot of self-esteem issues and project it onto others. But it's bad enough when you're a teenager looking at all the fit, trim, man-getting girls and then hearing those negative voices all the time. Yet, I know that people like my mom and aunt have struggled for YEARS about their looks, most likely without positive reinforcement. I actually want to talk about this generational thing more in a separate blog post.
ReplyDeleteBut I totally identify with your change. At some point you have to say that you're not going to allow anyone to deny or determine your value as a person because of your looks and to realize that you're amazing just how you are. If you want to tweak yourself, do it for the right reasons.
Thanks for sharing, Rhianna!