Most of us are familiar with the twitter name turned book turned television show starring William Shatner "Sh*t My Dad Says" where Justin Halpern blesses us with his dad's funny, cussfilled witticisms.
As great as some of those phrases are, I remember a few of my friends telling me that I should do the same, I guess because I say outrageous stuff that is also funny. In honor of this, I decided I'd dedicate a post to all my personal favorite things that I have said, mostly over Twitter.
And believe me, this is just part one.
$h!+ Kim Says:
On Mario Kart (I was a little upset):
Get yo ass outta my way, effin' Koopa Troopa bitch!!!
On Relationships:
[You] don't want no dude who wanna run a sprint instead of a decathlon.
Flirting with relationships and romance is like being an immortal kamikaze.
If you have to say that you "think" you love someone, then guess what? You're not in love.
On a Person Who Made Me Angry
I'll taze that dude til he becomes fried chicken.
Twitticisms:
I'm sorry; I don't reason with assholes.
On Omarion:
Omarion has a song called "I Think My Girl is Bi." I have a song called "I Think Omarion's Career is a Ton of Shit."
After Seeing a Woman on 79th Street:
Ladies...put on your bras.
On Being a Woman:
Real women won't let trinkets and roses convince them to give you the punani.
On Justice:
Learning about serial killers and murderers reminds me so much of how incompetent I am, at times, of determining what is and is not just.
On Fourth of July News:
Homeless man considered a hero for saving American flag during a storm. It's a flag not a baby, damn it.
It is NOT the 4th! Stop launching fireworks! Besides, our ancestors were still slaves the first Independence Day; stop celebrating.
On Homophobia:
I like how this dude is talking as if anal licking and fisting is exclusive to solely people who are homosexual.
We hate as if we're without flaws.
I find it fascinating how much human rights mean so little for those who claim they're Christian.
On Beyonce's Attempt to Push the Envelope:
She tried controversy with "Video Phone," but just came off weird, slutty, and stupid."
On America's Tendency for Possessiveness:
"'It's BP's spill,' the Massachusetts Democrat said, 'but it is America's ocean...'" Uh...since when did we just own all the ocean?!
Twitticism:
There is a difference between a mistake and a regret.
On Artistic Integrity:
If I were an artist, I'd stay independent. I think personal integrity and value for creativity should supersede finances any day.
2 Live Crew and "lyrical content" being in the same sentence is absolutely absurd without the words "no," "without," or "absent of."
On Heartbreak:
Heartbreak is a humbling experience. it was for me.
Every person should get his/her heart broken so empathy, humility, and true love can thrive.
On the State of Music:
I wish I could sing so I could pursue a singing career; oh wait, you don't need talent in the industry anymore.
You wanna know why music sucks now? Because talentless people aren't held accountable for their garbage but are rewarded with supporters.
On Christians:
Christianity, unfortunately, doesn't guarantee morality; some of the most evil people I've known have identified by Christ.
Some Christians have good intentions but don't have respect or empathy. That lack ruins it all.
On Culture:
My generation is completely oversexed without understanding true sexuality. Breed intelligence, not bullshit and babies.
We're an image-based culture, which means that we're willing to take pretty lies instead of real truth. And that's SAD.
You're welcome. 8]
As great as some of those phrases are, I remember a few of my friends telling me that I should do the same, I guess because I say outrageous stuff that is also funny. In honor of this, I decided I'd dedicate a post to all my personal favorite things that I have said, mostly over Twitter.
And believe me, this is just part one.
$h!+ Kim Says:
On Mario Kart (I was a little upset):
Get yo ass outta my way, effin' Koopa Troopa bitch!!!
On Relationships:
[You] don't want no dude who wanna run a sprint instead of a decathlon.
Flirting with relationships and romance is like being an immortal kamikaze.
If you have to say that you "think" you love someone, then guess what? You're not in love.
On a Person Who Made Me Angry
I'll taze that dude til he becomes fried chicken.
Twitticisms:
I'm sorry; I don't reason with assholes.
On Omarion:
Omarion has a song called "I Think My Girl is Bi." I have a song called "I Think Omarion's Career is a Ton of Shit."
After Seeing a Woman on 79th Street:
Ladies...put on your bras.
On Being a Woman:
Real women won't let trinkets and roses convince them to give you the punani.
On Justice:
Learning about serial killers and murderers reminds me so much of how incompetent I am, at times, of determining what is and is not just.
On Michael Jackson:
MJ was a conundrum, but no more of one than the jackasses surrounding him.On Fourth of July News:
Homeless man considered a hero for saving American flag during a storm. It's a flag not a baby, damn it.
It is NOT the 4th! Stop launching fireworks! Besides, our ancestors were still slaves the first Independence Day; stop celebrating.
On Homophobia:
I like how this dude is talking as if anal licking and fisting is exclusive to solely people who are homosexual.
We hate as if we're without flaws.
I find it fascinating how much human rights mean so little for those who claim they're Christian.
On Beyonce's Attempt to Push the Envelope:
She tried controversy with "Video Phone," but just came off weird, slutty, and stupid."
On America's Tendency for Possessiveness:
"'It's BP's spill,' the Massachusetts Democrat said, 'but it is America's ocean...'" Uh...since when did we just own all the ocean?!
Twitticism:
There is a difference between a mistake and a regret.
On Artistic Integrity:
If I were an artist, I'd stay independent. I think personal integrity and value for creativity should supersede finances any day.
On Bad Rappers:
I see Flo-Rida's hair line is still doing its Bat signal imitation.2 Live Crew and "lyrical content" being in the same sentence is absolutely absurd without the words "no," "without," or "absent of."
On Heartbreak:
Heartbreak is a humbling experience. it was for me.
Every person should get his/her heart broken so empathy, humility, and true love can thrive.
On the State of Music:
I wish I could sing so I could pursue a singing career; oh wait, you don't need talent in the industry anymore.
You wanna know why music sucks now? Because talentless people aren't held accountable for their garbage but are rewarded with supporters.
On Christians:
Christianity, unfortunately, doesn't guarantee morality; some of the most evil people I've known have identified by Christ.
Some Christians have good intentions but don't have respect or empathy. That lack ruins it all.
On Culture:
My generation is completely oversexed without understanding true sexuality. Breed intelligence, not bullshit and babies.
We're an image-based culture, which means that we're willing to take pretty lies instead of real truth. And that's SAD.
You're welcome. 8]
KIM! yes, you are full of quips and funny things...I just have to remember them next time and comment on this post with them. :D
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