I've been neglecting the blog recently. Not because I have nothing to write about but simply because I don't want to write about some of the ideas I have because they're a bit personal, and I don't like touching on those things that get a bit too close to my psyche. I don't want to use my blog as therapy.
Alas, I came across this article which poses the question, "Can Fathers Walk Away From Their Children?" Reading the article was cool but for some reason, I got choked up reading the comments of the article.
Maybe it was the annoying shit I dealt with over Thanksgiving with my Dad. Maybe it was the fact that I've spent more days crying about that than I would like to since it happened. Maybe it was the statement my mom told me soon after that was nagging at my head: "Your father's leaving and staying gone was a shot at me. You guys just got caught in the middle."
I don't like to be that woman with "Daddy Issues," yet I can't pretend that I wasn't affected by my father's absence. I don't trip too much over his emotional disconnect. Yes, my dad doesn't know me as a person and clearly doesn't care to, but I, if anything, am more upset at his refusal to support his children when they needed him the most like helping to pay for college expenses, paying the mortgage, paying the gas bill so we don't have to take cold showers, buying us food when my mother was nursing broken ribs so that we can eat since she couldn't work, things like that. Even more, I resent that all of these things have happened but he can pop up on my birthday or Thanksgiving and pretend like none of this happened and everything's okay.
Maybe it's just the fact that instead of the "giving up the fight" talked about in the article, it's the knowledge that my dad never, ever one day in my life fought for me.
Wow.
No comments:
Post a Comment