The Future's So Dim, I Might As Well Be Dead

Being an adult sucks. Being a college graduate sucks even more. Being a college graduate in a recession is just straight-up bullshit.

This is unknown territory for me. I was scared out my mind as a graduated senior going to college. Now I've graduated college, and I don't know what the fuck will happen in my life (Excuse the language. Desperation took the helm.). Having a degree in teaching usually meant you had a viable, comfortable future, but with the way we treat education like a low-priced, defective hoe, there's no chance that we all can get so few jobs. Besides, English teachers come a dime a dozen. Who's to say I'll get a job with so many applicants?

A part of me wants to focus on my writing, but then I get nervous. Is my writing honestly good enough to be published? Can we honestly get the publishing company my friends and I have been talking about off the ground? Hell, they have a year or so still left in school, so that still leaves me in limbo.

Then I thought that if I don't find a job in six months, then I'll for sure go back to grad school, but that doesn't solve my problems. I promised myself that by May 24, 2011, I'll be out Mom's crib, but to do that I NEED A JOB. Plus, I want to be self-sufficient so badly. As much as responsibility scares me, I want a car to pay a note on and a place to call my own, and go into debt buying furniture and pretty things for it.

Not to mention, I'll have the government on my back in five months wanting me to pay them back for the education that's hard for me to get a job with (Shit, if I don't get a job, I shouldn't be obligated to pay them since they failed me). Also, my credit card, for which I was forced to pay for various educational expenses (After all, I had to PAY to be a teacher) is a monthly bill of its own. I'm a good $33,000 in the fucking hole, which leaves me up the creek without a paddle and a boat, and guess what? I don't know how to swim.

This adulthood shit is no joke. Soak up your dependence while you can because you're thrown to the wolves unexpectedly, thrust into adulthood without a net or someone to catch you. Who knows what the next five or ten years will look like? I want it all: a great career, someone on my arm and in my heart, kids, etc, but can that honestly happen at this point? I just need some reassurance, cuz shit don't look so good right now.

What I want to do right now?


Slap and backhand myself repeatedly